Thursday, December 23, 2010
this is the 2nd year i've been miserable on my birthday. no one to celebrate it with me / for me.
last year it was the disaster before and during dinner. completely ruin the entire night for me. didn't even touch the cake.
this year, i teared up and started to cry. went for a long swim just to not think about how depressed i am and to just be alone. i thought i could disappear for a moment, but i didn't. no friends, no cake, no laughter.
*special note: thanks babe for the early present. it was really well thought of. i know how hard you try. secretly, i wish i could tell you that all i really wanted was someone to celebrate it with, not something*
i miss celebrating and making a whole lot of noise with my besties and family back home. especially now when i see a bowl of "tong yuen", i miss them even more.
i was born on a very special day. the first day of the winter solstice and the first day on the chinese calendar. according to tradition, families will gather together, like a reunion, to celebrate this day.
a bowl of "tong yuen" for everyone to signify, reunion, family and unity.
it's no wonder i feel so depress on my birthday. i was told as a child, that you shouldn't cry on your birthday. it is meant to be a joyous day for you to celebrate your birth and on top of that, it is the first day of the year.
basically, to those who hold strongly to chinese customs and traditions, my birth signifies a new begining. come to think of it, that is actually quite a meaningful idea for me to hold on to.
being so far away from my family, i do miss them on days like these. every year on this day, everyone would gather for 2 reasons, one to celebrate my birthday and two, the reunion. i guess we were wrong to put it in that order. from this year on, celebrating the coming together of my family will come first, and just to top it up, "hey, it's my birthday too"
funny how i never put so much thought into the MUST HAVE dinner back at home on the 22nd of December. now i understand. thanks mom, for making Johnathan and i come home for the dinner every year on this very special day.
i will always keep that in mind, and i will make it my duty to have my kids home for dinner on this very special day each year, no matter what.
i guess blogging does work. i feel much better now and i've learnt something new and have something significant to my culture to hold on to.
thanks dad for telling us about our culture and traditions. it is you who made me see the importance of celebrating and adhering to our heritage.
i love you mom & dad.