Another UNhappy birthday to me

this is the 2nd year i've been miserable on my birthday. no one to celebrate it with me / for me.

last year it was the disaster before and during dinner. completely ruin the entire night for me. didn't even touch the cake.

this year, i teared up and started to cry. went for a long swim just to not think about how depressed i am and to just be alone. i thought i could disappear for a moment, but i didn't. no friends, no cake, no laughter.

*special note: thanks babe for the early present. it was really well thought of. i know how hard you try. secretly, i wish i could tell you that all i really wanted was someone to celebrate it with, not something*

i miss celebrating and making a whole lot of noise with my besties and family back home. especially now when i see a bowl of "tong yuen", i miss them even more.

i was born on a very special day. the first day of the winter solstice and the first day on the chinese calendar. according to tradition, families will gather together, like a reunion, to celebrate this day.

a bowl of "tong yuen" for everyone to signify, reunion, family and unity.

it's no wonder i feel so depress on my birthday. i was told as a child, that you shouldn't cry on your birthday. it is meant to be a joyous day for you to celebrate your birth and on top of that, it is the first day of the year.

basically, to those who hold strongly to chinese customs and traditions, my birth signifies a new begining. come to think of it, that is actually quite a meaningful idea for me to hold on to.

being so far away from my family, i do miss them on days like these. every year on this day, everyone would gather for 2 reasons, one to celebrate my birthday and two, the reunion. i guess we were wrong to put it in that order. from this year on, celebrating the coming together of my family will come first, and just to top it up, "hey, it's my birthday too"

funny how i never put so much thought into the MUST HAVE dinner back at home on the 22nd of December. now i understand. thanks mom, for making Johnathan and i come home for the dinner every year on this very special day.

i will always keep that in mind, and i will make it my duty to have my kids home for dinner on this very special day each year, no matter what.

i guess blogging does work. i feel much better now and i've learnt something new and have something significant to my culture to hold on to.

thanks dad for telling us about our culture and traditions. it is you who made me see the importance of celebrating and adhering to our heritage.

i love you mom & dad.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette


When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry


After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Hemant Joshi


By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates


Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas


The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?" Sigmund Freud


I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous


"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." Henry Youngman


"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." Sam Kinison "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." James Holt McGavran


"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." Patrick Murray


Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up. Nash


The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Anonymous


You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Henny Youngman My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield


A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Milton Berle


Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. Anonymous


A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Anonymous


First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Am i with the right person?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a
common question.

She said,” How do I know if I am with the right
person?"

I noticed that there was a man sitting next to her
so I said, "It depends. Is that your partner?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you
know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances
are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's
the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning,
you fell in love with your partner. You anticipated
their call, wanted their touch, and liked
their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your partner wasn't hard. In fact,
it was a completely natural and spontaneous
experience.

You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's
called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO
YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my
feet." Think about the imagery of that expression.
It implies that you were just standing there; doing
nothing, and then something came along and
happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and
spontaneous experience. But after a while, the
euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of
EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone
calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch
is not always welcome (when it happens), and
your partner's idiosyncrasies, instead of being
cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every
relationship, but if you think about your
relationship, you will notice a dramatic difference
between the initial stage when you were in love
and a much duller or even angry subsequent
stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start
asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you
and your partner reflect on the euphoria of the love
you once had, you may begin to desire that
experience with someone else. This is when
realationship breaks down. People blame their
partner for their unhappiness and look outside their
relationship for fulfilment.

Infidelity fulfilment comes in all shapes and sizes.
But sometimes people turn to work, church, a
hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive
substances. But the answer to this dilemma does
NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with
someone else. You could and TEMPORARILY
you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same
situation a few years later. Because (listen
carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN RELATIONSHIP
IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S
LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU
FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous
experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You
can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it
day in and day out. That's why we have the
expression "the labour of love." Because it takes
time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it
takes WISDOM.

You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your
relationship work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery.

There are specific things you can do (with or
without your partner) to succeed with your
relationship.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe
(such as gravity), there are also laws for
relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise
program makes you physically stronger, certain
habits in your relationship WILL make your own
relationship stronger. It's a direct cause and effect.
If you know and apply the laws, the results are
predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in relationship is indeed a "decision"... Not
just a feeling.

Relationships

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call.She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB."There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".


NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?" The father-in-law answered in a mile, "Never criticise your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.If we forgive others, others will ignore our mistake too.


CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please."

"Oh, good looking,polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing.Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour,if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."

The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.


NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another,or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character." It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations..


RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other,we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site.A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered, "You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you." Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship.


PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?"Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?"

Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey.Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you."

Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders. It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled.They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..


BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands.

When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, " Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked,"but when are my fingers going to grow back?"

The father went home & committed suicide. Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't.

Too often we fail to recognise the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge. People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever. Pause and ponder. Think before you act. Be patient. Forgive & forget. Love one and all. If you judge people, you have no time to love them.

Tips For A Healthy Relationship

 1) Keep Talking. Almost all studies demonstrate a strong correlation between the quality of a couple's communtication skills and the quality of their relationship. Quality communications include taking the time to listen and understand your partner's perspective. You may not agree completely with where your partner is coming from, but often just feeling like you were heard is enough. Also being generous with sharing information about yourself elevates the level of trust and increases a sense of intimacy in many relationships.


2) Fight Fair. Most relationships endure some level of conflict. Conflict is fairly normal in all relationships, even healthy ones. How conflicts are handled can either strengthen relationships or weaken them. When in a conflict, here are some helpful hints:

Stay on the topic: it doesn't help to bring back past grievances, or bring up everything that bothers you about your partner. Find a good time to talk it out. Working out a problem when you are at the height of anger or upset generally doesn't go well. Take a break and find a time when things have calmed down.

Resist put-downs: address the problem not the person. Overt criticism generally causes people to become defensive. Avoid blaming the other person for your thoughts and feelings. It's okay to apologize when you're wrong. Ask for help if you need it. Seek out an RA, Hall Director, Professor or Counselor if you and your partner need help in finding a resolution.

Learn to agree to disagree: Healthy relationships don't demand absolute agreement or conformity.

Don't hold grudges: Holding grudges sap our energy and keeps us focused on what is negative about our relationship. The winners and the losers. Healthy relationships focus more on resolving problems and not who comes out on top.


3) Be Playful. Healthy couples take their relationshps seriously, but work at them with an attitude of playfulness. Fun and humor are a big part of how they relate to each other, as well as how they percieve the world around them.


4) Be Realistic. In some relationships, couples feel so close they talk about their partner as a soulmate. Even in these relationships, partners realisticly are not everything the other person wants in a relationship. Healthy relationships mean accepting people as they are and not trying to change them.


5) Be Trustworthy. Try to keep your promises. If you're not certain you can hold up your end, try not to make the promise in the first place. Even if it may be disappointing to your partner. Be dependable.


6) Find Balance. Life is full of new opportunities. It's a time to experience and try new things. It's important to find a balance between the time you spend with your boyfriend/girlfriend and the time you spend with other friends, clubs, athletics etc...Healthy relationships are not dependent.


7) Remember, relationships are a process. No one has a perfect relationship. When watching other couples, it may appear that everyone has a happier and healthier relationship than you. The truth is, most people feel just like you. Most are wondering about how healthy their relationships are, and if they are happy. Healthy relationships are a work in progress; you give them nurturance and they grow

So... what next?

Woah... i finally felt a great big boulder disappear from my shoulder....

Yes... the conference is over... though i must say.... it was entirely DIFFERENT from what i had expected.

And i DO mean it in a good way... or a bad way... hmm... i'll let you decide...

Here's the thing... when i heard about a conference and all researchers are to present their paper infront of a crowd... i thought... woah... this is big...

Well... you guessed it... its nothing more than a slightly larger class presentation... the only difference is... there was a panel....

I had a great disadvantage with my research... it was far from normal... or at least i had comments like, "its a head of time"  and things like "its not of this level".....

From a researcher point of view... it was a good thing... it meant that i was doign a pretty good job in choosing my topic AND... compliments from the lecturer... it was what she was looking for... a more narrowed down topic that focuses on the essence of the problem in the industry... not just a wide scope of management issues from a business point of view....

So, what next? 

Ever since i assisted in a thesis about 1 1/2 years back, i found the topic of 
RISK MANAGEMENT a pretty interesting issue to discuss and focus on. Especially as event organizers....

You guessed it... my next move is to continue my research on this topic.... crazy but its worth it. Coming up with my own manual and management plan... later implement it in a company... how cool is that.... whether it happens or not thats another story... something to look forward to...

two teardrops were floating down the river...

Don't be too good I will miss you.
Don't be too caring, I might like you.
Don't be too sweet, I might fall for
you.
It's hard for me to love you when you
won't love me after all...
Bottomline : A person who makes me
loves him/her is actually a person who
loves me more than I love him/her.


If someone comes into your life
and becomes a part of you
but for some reasons he couldn't stay,
don't cry too much...
just be glad that your paths crossed
and somehow he made you happy even for
a while.
Bottomline : Time will tell, If he's
yours he will come back

Two tear drops were floating down the
river.
One teardrop said to the other,
"I'm the teardrop of a girl who loved
a man and lost him. Who are you?"
"I'm the teardrop of the man who
regret letting a girl go..."

Bottomline : Nobody will sympathise a
person who constantly let chances
passes by without making any efforts
to salvage. We normally don't realise
how important our loved and closed
ones are until they left us, we'll
start reminiscences which results
misery.

Love can make you happy although often
times it hurts.
But love is only special if you give
it to which it's worth.
Bottomline : If you found someone who
truly appreciates you, He/she deserves
more of your love.

What If someone tells you this: I
don't believe in courtship.
It's just a waste of time. If I love
the person, I'll tell her right away.
But for you I will make an exception...
just love me now and I'll court you
forever...
Bottomline : Love needs time to
realise, there might be love at first
sight but it takes time to let one
gradually discover their affection
towards another, miss him/her when
he/she is not around, hope to hear
from he/she when the person has not
written or called.

It's always better to have found the
courage to love even if you lose
it in the end rather than never found
love because you were too afraid
of the challenge.
Bottomline : Don't give up if you face
or think that you have competitors.
It's always better to try, if you
suceed, the reward is more than you
can expect. but if you don't try or
don't summon up the courage, you might
lose the one you like/love forever...

The greatest challenge in our life is
to find someone who knows our flaws
and differences and yet still
willingly embraces you with so much
love.
Bottomline : Love is a means of self
giving and self sacrificsing, if
he/she knows your flaws and still
willing to accept you, continue to
like/love you as you are or even more,
boy, you are lucky! This person truly
deserves your love and affection.

The spaces between our fingers were
created so that another person's
fingers could fill them in.
Bottomline : open your heart, let
people love you, never Doubt their
intentions, sincerity can be felt by
the heart.

When you love, it is not for you to be
understood but for you To understand;
not for you to take but for you to be
taken; to listen not to dictate; to
sacrifice and not to demand; not to
count or measure but to love.

A relationship worth fighting for....

"Would you marry a person who loves you or the person you love?"

A good question asked...

Perhaps by taking a look at my current relationship would help define my answer.

After being in and out of relationships that have broken me into pieces... i am finally with a man whom i think is worth it.

Our odd "relationship" started way before we met. And for those 2 years, we've been getting along just fine. We talk, we laugh, we tell each other things.

When we finally met, i think i speak for the both of us when i say, "We were clueless." We know that we were in a "relationship" for the past years and we feel that we know each other. But there we were, face to face. Speechless. Frankly, i was "I can't believe it, after all these while, there he is." Being excited is one thing, feeling awkward is another.

And after 6 weeks of actually being together, it was time for him to leave. I knew he had to leave someday but it felt like a part of me leaving with him.

And to think, we had only been together in a relationship for more or less 2 weeks. Everything was happening too fast, too soon. Just when i was getting used to having someone there, i had to let go. It did cross my mind that this relationship might not last as soon as he boards the plane.

After a while of being apart, more and more things happened. More issues, arguments, disagreeing with each other, fighting for the littlest things. It tore me apart, bit by bit. The more we argued the more my heart suffered.

So many times i thought of ending things and yet so many times i held on. Fact is, i don't want to let go. I give in and work things out. And he being him, will always try to talk me out of it.

No matter how often or what we argue about, we still stop at one point and start working things out together. I've never stopped appreciating the courage that he has for the both of us. Being apart has not been easy for the both of us.

So, i guess the question is not about marrying someone who loves you OR marrying someone you love.

It's more of whether you can live with that person. To work things out together and to go through the rest of the years together. Not as 2 individuals but as 2 people who care enough about each other so much so they are willing to stop and start working things out.

I tell myself everyday that this IS the relationship worth fighting for. For all the things that we've been through and for all the hard times we've been together, it is well worth it.
We learn from each other, we keep each other going. 
The more you learn from each other further in live, the more you will learn to cherish & love one another. That is what keeps us going.

If you find that person, i guarantee you there will be love. There will be a relationship where both 
parties will cherish each other. And that is what you would want in your life. 

The Natural Laws Of Everyday Life

1. Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with
grease, your nose will begin to itch.

2. Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number,you never
get an engaged one.

3.Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for
work because you had a flat tire, the
next morning you will have a flat tire.

4. Variation Law of Traffic Jams:
If you change queues in traffic, the
one you have left will start to move
faster than the one you are in now.

5. THEORY of Bathing
When the body is immersed in water,the
telephone rings.

6.LAW OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS
The probability of meeting someone you
know increases when you are with
someone you don't want to be seen with.

7. LAW of the RESULT
When you try to prove to someone that a
machine won't work, it will.

8.LAW OF BIOMECHANICS
The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.

9.THEATRE RULE
At any event, the people whose seats
are furthest from the aisle arrive
last.

10.LAW OF COFFEE
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot
coffee, your boss will
ask you to do something which will last
until the coffee is cold.

I curse the day i was given this gift/curse

There are things that i feel and can't explain. Actually, who am i kidding. I know exactly what's going on. My heart is telling me something is wrong. Something is forcing us apart. I don't want to hide anymore. Those feelings are strong and it has been around since early this week. I can't help but noticed that you're shying away from me. More and more everyday. Our conversation gets weaker and weaker. And now, there is nothing to talk about.

Curse this feeling that lurks in my senses. Curse this mind that knows it all. Curse this heart that feels it all. I wish i am wrong. I really do.... But why am i still weeping? I've been lying to myself..... I have not been true.

Of War & Conquest

The way to a guy’s heart is to not be obsessed over the love you have for him. Obsession only leads to confusion and the disorientation of the mind. There is no one true way to catch a guy or gain his attention. Mostly, all guys are different in many a way as women are different from each other. There is no one sure way.

My subject proved that obsession led to her own confusion and thus ending up in a situation most unfavorable to both parties. Often than not, third parties get caught in her squabble and obsession of his love. Over the past 12 months or so, the subject evolved from having a broken heart to leading a life of endless search for care and comfort which eventually turned into a simple combination of love, hate and obsession. After a moment of search, the unsuspecting victim opens the gates to his life to her and allowing himself to be a part of hers. Slowly but surely, the unsuspecting victim is lured into a simple world of like, love and soon to be obsession.
________________________________________________________________________

She eventually stumbled upon a kingdom where their king was to be the love of her life. At the first stage of her conquest, she was tried and tested with many different obstacles. None of which were simple arithmetic. He being king of a prosperous kingdom and her being a simple peasant limited her chances of the long awaited fairytale life with her knight in shining armor. Nonetheless, her first victory saw her triumphant when he was ordered to exile from his very own kingdom. Life gradually became less complicated now that both parties were of the similar stature. A once forbidden love turned into the beginning of a wonderful dream for her.

Not long after he was exiled, he began rebuilding a new kingdom. This new kingdom was protected and served by a handful of knights that remained loyal to him till today. The knights remained true and vowed to protect and serve their king. Defensive of their king, the knights did their utmost to keep their king away from harm. Wanting to be the queen of this new kingdom, she went through books and scriptures in search of ways to gain the love and trust of her king. In views of establishing his new empire, the king however, declined her love for him.

She endlessly remained faithful in hopes of one day the king will see her as the queen of his new kingdom. Failing which, she turned to sorcery and witchcraft. The more she used her newly acquired skills, the more it began to over power her. As each day past, the darkness of her heart grew and her obsession of her once pure love for her king is now a dark obsession to imprison the king and rule his kingdom as her own.

Noticing the change and her intentions, his knights fought and protected him till he ordered her to be exiled from his kingdom and never to return to his land till she saw her ways and changed. Her hatred for the knights grew stronger and stronger as the days past living in exile.

The once hopeful light of a new daybreak has now turned into a new day of plot for revenge. Seeking vengeance, she vowed to rid the knights that once fought for the king and contributed to her exile.

Till this day, his knights stand strong, protecting their king and remained as her adversary, ridding her of her chances to conquer the kingdom of his heart.

_________________________________________________________________________

The subject’s hopes of love care and comfort started out as a normal courtship. However, when things did not turn out the way she had expected, the answer to her equation became more and more complex.

The subject was presented with a riddle of which the answer is as clear as the sky is blue. Till today, she has failed to answer the riddle. Her obsession in getting the answer clouded her mind and made thinking complicated, inconclusive. Neglecting the simple facts that were presented to her and refusing to accept the fact that the answer is in fact that simple, she is determined to proving it otherwise.