Thinking too much?? Perhaps.....

His message to me,

"I have a little angel flying around with a hammer, each person he hits gets a little bit of my luv.... i hope he beats u up like crazy... =p"

My reply,

"I caught your poor lil angel and imprisoned it. Gonna make him my minnion n he's coming you way... to hit u so hard u won't 4get he was sent by me!"

His reply,

"Hmm... i guess this person knows that u want him to be hit real hard. What can he say except he has been hit but not hard enough the last time. I guess he's a jackass"

My reply,
"I don't think its him being a jackass.. my angel has trouble with his hitting skills. Happens when he doesn't use it often. Maybe he needs more training"

After this round of messages, i was more than happy. Happy to find out that i actually got his love for a moment. Just for a moment. Nevertheless... there is always a reminder.... He is no longer there for me.... No matter what happens to me... There is no assurance that he'll be there for me. Hopes and faith is not going to get me anywhere when he is concerned.... From the heart.... a lil bit of it still has his name written all over it.

Sometimes, i do fool myself into believing that he will somehow, someday come back to me. As soon as i awake from this wishful fantasy, i know that now, he belongs to someone else. No matter what, at this present moment, that feeling still lingers. Once in a while, it'll emerge and send a strain of emotions down my spine. My heart grows fond.

Yes, it might seem silly and naive. As if indulging in a childish fantasy. I beg to differ...... It has not been easy for me.... and i will say, it is still not easy for me to surpress those feelings. Nevertheless, i've learnt a very important lesson.... "If you truly love that someone, you would want to see them happy. If you want to see that someone happy, you have to let go"... That is how it is now for me...... Can't say i am entirely happy... but part of me is while the other part is trying to supress those feelings.

If he only knew, every look, every smile, every hug, every kiss, every word, every smell, every glance, every stare...... brings back a lot of memories. Sweet memories that will lie deep within me. He may not be around for me anymore but a piece of him still remains in my mind, in my heart.