An EXPERIENCE to REMEMBER!!!

15th October 2005, Saturday

SSWE....

2.30pm.... Registered and signed in for the day..... got our uniforms.... gosh!!! First look at the uniforms... and they were going like..... "Horrible looking things"..... I didn't think much of the uniforms... but what do you expect for a casual worker??

In the locker room.... Nothing less than "I look ridiculous in this!!..... I am not going to be seen in this outfit"... To me... Oh well.... You are on a compulsory assignment... You have no choice. That is what being in this industry is all about.... You want to learn, you start low.....

3.00pm.... Got changed and went to the training room.... Signed in for the job....

3.30pm.... Met Encik Shamil... Got the low down from him for our grooming. I do agree with him about the other's grooming... Ladies, we are here to put on a fashion show nor be pretty. We are here to serve. Coloured bra, loose accessories, fringe all over the face. Nice to look at but not presentable. Got permission to leave the premise to acquire the proper groooming materials.

4.30pm.... Well groomed.... Back to the exhibition hall for our tour of the hall and where things were.

5.10pm... Break time for the non muslim's. Down to the cafeteria. With the afternoon serving left and the evening dishes not out, it was the only thing we had. No choice. What is there to complain about? Yes, it's cold and tasteless but you have to eat! I didn't like it either but come on, one meal like that won't kill you. Talk about survival skills??!!! Where on earth are your sense of reality girls??

5.40pm.... Back to the hall for the final briefing.... Divided to groups. I was under Encik Shamsul. Nice guy. Very pleasent. I had a good time working with him. There was another 2 males and 3 females, all permenant staff.

6.30pm.... Time to start running and getting ready. Drinks to be poured and cutlery's to be checked and plates to be inspected.

7.00pm.... Sound of the gong signified the starting of the Ramadhan Buffet. Guests to be seated and pelita to be lit. Tray jacks to be brought out and the serving begins.

9.00pm.... As soon as the guests started leaving for the night, the only left to do was to clear all remaining soiled plates, goblets and cutlery.

9.00pm.... Reseted the table for the following night.... I alone set 26 pax.... Not bad for a first timer..... =)

Disappointed in you.......

I can't help but to think that you've begining to leave me out once again.... This has happened before and it's begining to seem way too familiar. The last time you acted this way..... it marked the end of our relationship. I wonder what is going to happen now.... when we are not in a relationship..... end of friendship?? Perhaps.....

I can't help but to think that i will lose you all over again. I ask myself why did we ever know each other in the first place. I ask myself.... why did you ever come in to my life. Why allow us to come together time after time and never having us together??

I thought i've decided to let things go. But why does it always have to be easier said than done? Isn't there an easier way to deal with this kind of matters? Yes yes... such as life.... the ironies are endless....

I know i am not perfect... I know i never will be.... Part of me wished i hit you harder but part of me now wished i didn't have the chance to hit you at all. At least for now, i wished i had nothing to do with you anymore. You would be happier... Perhaps. I used to be able to read you. Not anymore. I've lost it.... Lost it all.... Why?

Thinking too much?? Perhaps.....

His message to me,

"I have a little angel flying around with a hammer, each person he hits gets a little bit of my luv.... i hope he beats u up like crazy... =p"

My reply,

"I caught your poor lil angel and imprisoned it. Gonna make him my minnion n he's coming you way... to hit u so hard u won't 4get he was sent by me!"

His reply,

"Hmm... i guess this person knows that u want him to be hit real hard. What can he say except he has been hit but not hard enough the last time. I guess he's a jackass"

My reply,
"I don't think its him being a jackass.. my angel has trouble with his hitting skills. Happens when he doesn't use it often. Maybe he needs more training"

After this round of messages, i was more than happy. Happy to find out that i actually got his love for a moment. Just for a moment. Nevertheless... there is always a reminder.... He is no longer there for me.... No matter what happens to me... There is no assurance that he'll be there for me. Hopes and faith is not going to get me anywhere when he is concerned.... From the heart.... a lil bit of it still has his name written all over it.

Sometimes, i do fool myself into believing that he will somehow, someday come back to me. As soon as i awake from this wishful fantasy, i know that now, he belongs to someone else. No matter what, at this present moment, that feeling still lingers. Once in a while, it'll emerge and send a strain of emotions down my spine. My heart grows fond.

Yes, it might seem silly and naive. As if indulging in a childish fantasy. I beg to differ...... It has not been easy for me.... and i will say, it is still not easy for me to surpress those feelings. Nevertheless, i've learnt a very important lesson.... "If you truly love that someone, you would want to see them happy. If you want to see that someone happy, you have to let go"... That is how it is now for me...... Can't say i am entirely happy... but part of me is while the other part is trying to supress those feelings.

If he only knew, every look, every smile, every hug, every kiss, every word, every smell, every glance, every stare...... brings back a lot of memories. Sweet memories that will lie deep within me. He may not be around for me anymore but a piece of him still remains in my mind, in my heart.